Strep Throat Brings Beauty Full Circle

Hmm.... my dear husband is a wise man. To think if he hadn't insisted on my trip to the doctor, who would know that I had strep throat? I've never had it before and I will NEVER again look at someone who says "I had strep last week.' and assume it's no worse than a little cold.

And I'm convinced that there is a distinct purpose to my being sick and no coincidence that it's something quite contagious. I won't leave the house and I've stayed away from my own children. No martyr will risk someone else. I'm so predictable. God's such a genius when it comes to handling us. Due to the diagnosis I obeyed the husband's, ahem... I meant Doctor's order to stay in my room. I chose to read 'the book' I've been avoiding, like I said, for 3 years. Almost to the day, I suppose.

Three years ago I had a tiny little three week old Jacob. Travis was doing anything he could to find extra work and odd jobs, since he had lost his job. I was in constant pain both from my unexpected c-section and the car accident that had injured my back to cause the need for said c-section. Our relationship with his family was strained and painful. We felt very alone, yet were daily working out completely relinquishing our control and trusting God. Such a hard time, but I would go back and change it for anything.
My mother gave me the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge in a stack of books since I had asked her for something to read. Twice I tried to get through the first chapter only to crumble in tears and agony, my heart unable to take on the challenge to even consider such a possibility. Me... captivating...
You see, my husband was in a bitter battle over addiction to pornography. (go ahead and click the link. You KNOW I didn't put porn there!) The battle had been raging for years, but I had only known about it for a year at this point. I was so proud of him for his honesty, and the fact that he was stronger and winning! Yet, it was a bitter time in the struggle. And as much as I knew the truth that it had nothing to do with me, it wreaked havoc in the mirror and what I saw there. So, basically not a time that I really could imagine myself anything remotely resembling anything...captivating.
So there the book sat. I've let several people borrow it over the past 3 years, actually. I always tell them it's a great book and it will change their lives. I knew that from others, so I wasn't lying. I just couldn't ever find the energy to allow it back into my heart. I had to survive.
Well, to be honest I have another friend I want to lend the book to. This woman is precious. But she's broken and aching. She's so special to me and I know that God wants her heart. He had mine, and he hadn't complained much about the scars yet. I guess this time I felt like I should read the book before I give it out again. Which, to be honest, is why the book is still on the shelf when I meant to give it to her two months ago.
Finally under quarantine threats of idle hands, off the shelf it came. I mean, I was going to be miserable while sick, and I was acutely aware that I will be miserable wreck when I read this book. There goes Talitha. The unconventional multi-tasker takes on the two at once. ( and you thought I'd be knitting a sweater while I was sick) Why be miserable twice?
To be honest, I'm not going to write a full review. The book floored me. I cried in anguish, I reveled in peace. I ached in mourning. I sat in awe as it began to dawn on me. I blushed as I realized the truth. My heart raced as the truth set me free. My heart grew into something I've never known. No longer a cliche, the truth is about each of us.
I am beautiful, lovely to the core. I am cherished and precious. I'm a warrior, and a princess. My heart is of immeasurable value. No one has to tell me. I don't have to prove it or fake it.

I just AM captivating.

I can't imagine ever feeling the same again about myself. For the love of God, go! Get the book!

Redefining Tolerance

I read a quote in the paper about Christians yesterday and it set my brain churning. Tolerance has become such a buzz word lately. Everyone has the right to interpret things as they feel, choose to live as they feel, follow whatever lifestyle they feel. For some reason tolerance is used as a word to protect people from the consequences of their actions. As if we have no right to treat someone differently or comment on their lifestyle. If we do we are intolerant. Oh, the nerve..

Jack McClellan for example http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20113265/

How the heck does this happen? How did freedom of speech get so completely misconstrued as to protect this man's right to lust after small children? And why in the world would anyone feel that we should tolerate his 'preference for prepubescent bodies". Sick, sick, sick. I just can't stop thinking about how violating this is. Yet he's been given a platform, in the name of free speech, to air his views on national television. "You say pedophile like it's a bad thing." Unbelievable. The decline of the morals in this country absolutely are horrific.

The thing about tolerance is that Christians are the first to be called intolerant. People will say that Christ was all about love and acceptance so why do we not accept all of the cultural changes and lifestyles people are choosing. Apparently these people don't read their Bibles.
Christianity by definition must be intolerant. The whole basis of our belief is that Christ is the only way. Christians are to be loving and to accept people for who they are. But what they want is to have their SIN accepted and justified. That's completely different.
God gave us free will and there are so many things that are grey areas for us to choose with our hearts. But there are some things that are pretty clear, with no room for compromise. Yet we do, out of convenience, freedom of speech and, yes, tollerance.

The acceptance of people like this man makes me ashamed of our country. The rate of divorce, sex, drugs, theft, deceit and hypocrisy in the American Church is equally appalling. But you know what? It's because of this call for tolerance. It's a sad, sad thing.