Do You Really Miss Me?

Someone emailed me and said they 'miss us'. I found it a bit ironic. I saw this person this morning at church, but they didn't say hi.
We went to church this morning. It's become increasingly easy to miss it. I worked 13 hours straight yesterday with only 2 ten minute breaks and had to be back 3-10 today. I dragged myself out of bed at 10 and told Travis we HAD to go. He wasn't so happy with me for it when he realized that we a 'substitute' teaching again. Gareth wasn't bad, but I missed alot sitting in the cafe. SOmeone grabbed me to vent about the woes of singleness. Always greener on the other side...
I just feel very distanced from people.I guess when you go through crap you find out who your friends really are. None of the people that I expected, which i guess should have been predictable. The relationships that were so important a year ago hardly exist now. People that I've tried so hard to get to know, forget who I am. On the otherhand, people who I didn't really know before have made themselves close. It's helpful, but uncomfortable. It takes too much work right now to get to know them. And I hate that they don't know the happy me that's been on vacation for a year.
Maybe my expectations are high. I give 150% to everything I do. It blows me away when I see someone act like a martyr over giving 5%. Like saying 'How are you?' is their act of kindness for the day and they are so proud of themselves for getting it out of the way so early in the morning. On the otherhand, If I guadged how much I put into things, I would be able to prioritize better and not screw my whole life up like I do. But then I have to face the fact that if that's what people are doing, I'm not even worth 5%. I prefer to go with them being lazy. It hurts less.
I'm just not the same person anymore. In some ways it's good. I've grown, I suppose. I just miss feeling free, and useful, and needed, and even wanted.
I mean, come on, really. DO you miss us? What the hell is there to miss? Everything seems to be running much smoother without us there to screw it up. Why would you miss us? You miss obnoxious calls of me complaining, or freaking out, or messing something else up? I find that hard to believe. Sweet, but a little bit like the obligatory " Say hi to someone you don't know" so that you can pat yourself on the back for being 'sociable' . Give me a break.