Saturday, October 27, 2007

Friday, October 19, 2007

The other night I heard Selah get up to go to the bathroom (she doesn't get up often) and I didn't hear her leave the bathroom. Poor baby. Not only had she fallen asleep ON the toilet, she had pulled her pants down to pee and not her panties. She sat, asleep, on the potty and peed through her panties! Thank goodness it was only pee. I had to really wake her up to get her to stand up.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


So, in doing the laundry lately I keep noticing that jacob has two pairs of shorts on. He is OBSESSED with shorts and always wants to wear more than one pair. Yesterday I had him ready for dance class and turned around and he had pulled on another pair of shorts over his dance shorts.

Me: Jacob, why did put more clothes on?

Jacob: But mommy, I need more shorts

Me: Why, JacobJacob: Betuz mommy, Papi wears MORE shorts.

insert maniacal little grin and two chubby fingers in the air

Jacob: Papi wears TWO shorts, mommy!!

I will now be spending the rest of the day sewing insanely tiny little boxer shorts for my adorable one. And to think I was about to get iritated about the extra laundry.


The older two have been tromping around the house for two days as Dorothy and the Tin Man. Now, I certainly haven't let them see the movieand don't intend to anytime soon. I think they've seen a photo is all. If you happen to forget their new names they are quick to remind you of their assumed identities and no longer answer to their given names.

All of this over some confusion about the 'Lizard of Oz' and my children's ongoing obsession with cute little reptiles. I mean, what a wonderful land Oz must be, when you're off to see the Lizard....

Who could ask for better entertainment?

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Who Was She, Really? This woman of Proverbs 31

So, I've been thinking about this lately. A friend told me that she went to a marriage enrichment class with her husband and they spent some time on Prov 31. She was singled out and asked "What stands out to you about her?" Her answer was that she was a business woman, and that she obviously had servants. To her dismay she was confronted after the class for being disruptive to what they were 'trying to teach'. That the verses are about being a good wife and mother and THAT is what she should have seen out of these verses. She was told to go home and rethink her 'career' and how she parents her children.
So here's my first problem. I've never found a good way to describe it until now, but Travis found a book that really makes it clear to me. The bottom line is that I think people have the whole Bible wrong. It's treated as a recipe book or a magic formula that if we could just figure out the write combination we will be perfect Christians. If we keep analysing and marking our 'good deeds' on a list we'll make the grade. I don't think it works that way at all.
The Bible is a novel full of passion, pain, sacrifice, love, bondage and freedom. It was written to draw our hearts and make us fall in love with our Creator. Yes, there are obviously some clear Do's and Don'ts. I'm currently mourning a precious friendship lost due to a stand I was forced to make based on God's obvious will. But adhering to the rules should be a desire that comes as a SIDE EFFECT of the love affair of our soul with the one who Created it.
So having said that, I find the issue of the Proverbs 31 woman to be quite the opposite of other Biblical excerpts. Typically, I find that people will pick apart every word of every verse, tracing them back to the original Greek or Hebrew to unlock some mysterious intent. Not so with her. The description of Miss 31 begins in verse 10 and extends to the end of the chapter in verse 31. It's long and detailed. But every teaching I've heard focuses on less than half of the proverb. The parts where her husband praises her, her children rise and call her blessed. Charm is deceptive, to be sure, but that's just one verse out of twenty-two. These are the rewards and results of who she was. And who she was was more than these 22 verses tell us. That's what I want to find. Her heart.
So in these verses it is quite clear that she was, in fact, a business woman with servants. I don't intend to have servants. I wouldn't want them. I think I would panic if someone wanted to fold my laundry. Wait, I think I HAVE before more than once when it was offered. Sigh... I'm quite the mess.... So she spends every minute doing something productive. She doesn't wast her time, blah , blah...
OK, here is what I see. Miss 31 had a passion for life and everything in it. She was creative and loved beauty and found a way to express it in a way that would bless her family financially. She was wise, shrewd, bold, confident, creative in her art and in what she feeds her family ( I like that one). She was giving and had a heart for the poor and needy. She was passionate. Not many women back then had scarlet and purple clothing but she loved the beauty of color. She had no fear of the future but 'laughed at the days to come' as if to say bring it on! It talks about her husband being respected, but not necessarily because of her. I wonder if their marriage was so full of love that it was written all over their faces and their passion became an honor to him.
To be honest, I know that I can't live up to a list like that. If that's what was required, I wouldn't even try. I don't think it's healthy to use it as a checklist to work off of. What I do see is that this is the most clearly described woman of the Bible. This nameless woman who seems able to do anything and conquer all odds. My question is how did she get there?
This is what I believe. God called David a man after his own heart. I see these verses as the praise of a woman that God was well pleased with as well, so I will compare the two.
David was a mess. He was a murder, and adulterer, a liar. He wrote just as many Psalms of Angst and pain as he did of praise and awe. He groveled in ashes and was told to stop and be happy. He danced unabashed and was told to keep still. He was full of passion, yet made painful mistakes. Every time he fell flat on his face before his Creator. He poured out his pain as guiltless as his joys, knowing that his God was big enough to handle it all. And that he wanted it all.
Provers 31 is an epilogue. It comes after everything is said and done. Often to tell what does/will happen in the future. If we were to write an epilogue for King David it would be full of all of his victories and Triumphs. It would praise and honor him with every word. But there was more to him that that, to be sure. He was desperately human and flawed. Yet he never ceased to humbled himself and above all he NEVER EVER hardened his heart.
Miss 31 was what happened after. She was the reward to a son who heeded his father's word. That's what the Proverbs are all about, teachings to a son. She is the prize. And I'm OK with that. I would be honored and I WANT to be a reward to my husband and children. But I know that she had a life between the lines of this epilogue. She was passionate, full of trials and passion. I know that she was desperately flawed like me, and she struggled. But I believe she held her heart open to her God at all times.

So in my journey, I plan to work diligently with my budget, to be honorable with my business, to bless my husband and to raise my children as well as I can in my imperfection. I'll blog about my shopping. My findings. But I will be blatantly honest with my pain and struggles. As soon as something comes to mind I want to grab it and deal with it. That's what this is really about. Because I know that the bottom line is that Miss Proverbs 31 had an amazing heart. I'm doing the best I can to find my Creator in all of my trials and joys because ny heart wants to be like hers

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Someone emailed it to me and it struck a cord so I thought I would share (and put it somewhere I know it can be found again to read in the future)

GEORGE CARLIN (His wife recently died...)
A wonderful Message by George Carlin:The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildingsbut shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spendmore, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses andsmaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yetmore problems, more medicine, but less wellness.>>We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh toolittle, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up tootired, read too little, watch TV too much , and pray too seldom.We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talktoo much, love too seldom, and hate too often.We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've addedyears to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon andback, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. Weconquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things but notbetter things.We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered theatom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We planmore, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait.We build more computers to hold more information, to produce morecopies than ever, but we communicate less and less.These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men andsmall character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are thedays of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality,one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything fromcheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in theshowroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time whentechnology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either toshare this insight, or to just hit delete...Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they arenot going to be around forever.Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe,because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is theonly treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones,but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when itcomes from deep inside of you.Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday thatperson will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! Andgive time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by themoments that take our breath away.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Dear Ms. Anonymous

So, there are 2 comments on my angry post "Stunted Growth" and I've been thinking about them. I thought I'd write out my thought since that's what I like to do.
First thought. I feel anonymous posting is rude and somewhat weak. It's like a drive by shooting. I actually posted an 'accidental' anonymous post on a friend's blog and sent her a message immediately to let her know that it was me. I had thought I was logged in. I hate the feeling of not knowing who this person is. Anyway, that's just my gutt feeling on anonymous. What was posted I am perfectly fine with responding to. There are many good points where I think I was misunderstood. I'm happy to have the opportunity to comment on that.
Second, I want to say that the reason that I chose to blog about it was because I had just had my eyes opened as to how this person had affected me. I felt that blogging was better than the potential of telling someone personally and turning it into gossip. My blog doesn't respond back and ask for more details. It doesn't give me any pity. It doesn't tell me that person sucks and I have the right to be this way. It just lets me get it out so that I can breath again and deal with it later.
So, first post was "Wow, this makes me so sad. So much bitterness is not good for the spirit or soul." Well, yeah it is sad and quite bitter. I realize that. Everyone feels sadness and bitterness and deals with it in different ways that may or may not be good for the soul. I've found my whole life that writing things out in all the passion that I feel is the healthiest way for me to purge. And it's also the best way for me to take a break from it and go back and study my feeling and decide how I need to learn, forgive, etc.... So yes it's not good for the soul, but all souls have it. I chose not to hide my realness, and I've made it public in the off chance that my working through things may help someone else in some way. Trust me, I'm not done with the topic. I know that I've got some work to do with it.
The second comment was quite long and I'm going to break it up a bit:
I find it hard to believe that one person can have so much control over your life. This control is only there because you let it be. She didn't have control over my life. She affected me. I spent years enabling her and now I have to deal with the affect in my own life of that energy that was spent, Just like anyone else who spends so much time with someone who has any disorder. She's sick. I took responsibility in ways that weren't my job because I wanted to help.
No one stopped you from your dreams except you. No one caused you to lose your passion except you. You need to stop giving one person so much control over your life and thoughts, of course except God. I'm sorry, that's a very humanistic statement. Yes, I chose to stop writing. It was an unconscious decision that I made at some point in the past and I discovered it the day that I blogged about it. So obviously the feelings were brought up fresh. The idea that I have the power over myself, my dreams and passions is false to me. Those are given and taken by God. He guides our paths.
"It almost seems like you put this person as a god in your life and let them dictate who you are and what you do." Not hardly. More like a crutch. I was trying to be loving and kind for years and it didn't help her. Like all addicts, tough love would have been the way to go.
I read your other blogs about being a Proverbs 31 woman. Would a 31 woman post this venom about someone else? I would have to answer that with a resounding ABSOLUTELY. I think the proverbs 31 woman was far from perfect and if she discovered bitterness deep in herself she would never be satisfied with just leaving it, throwing some 'Christian-ese' statements at it to make it go away. I think she would pick it apart and examine herself until she was free and Gad ha worked all that he could in it. My view of the the Proverbs 31 woman is quite different from the conventional housewife, helpmate. She was passionate and fearless. She was driven to take on whatever God gave her. Currently, God uncovered this bitterness in my heart and I am working on it as I think she would.

So, give me some time and I'll work this all out as God leads me. I'm not perfect. Just purging to be the best I can. Thanks for you comments. In the future please use your name.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Since I'm adding photos anyway

I'm finally getting the rest of my posts finished off and photos added. While I'm waiting on the uploads, I thought I would add a few from our family photos last spring.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket