Monday, March 24, 2008

Life in the Fat Lane and Keeping it To Myself (and you,and you...)

Not that I'm staying in it. I'm just on the road to recovery from Fat Ass Syndrome he, he...

I'm keeping my weight loss blog private by invitation only, and I plan to change this to private next week. If you haven't been invited to my weight loss blog, it's because
  1. I didn't realize you were even reading this
  2. I don't have you're email address in my address book
  3. You may have 'broken up' with me, for loss of a better term to call it, and won't speak to me but like to know what I'm up to

So comment or email me if you want in on my weight loss and if you want to keep reading this blog. I just at this point am very aware that some people are reading who have decided to not have a relationship with me anymore. Totally your choice. Not trying to be hateful or nasty. Feel free to read , but I need this and my weight loss kept among friends who are supportive of where I am at right now, and are here for me.

If you think that this 'may' be directed at you, feel free to ask but it's most likely not. The few who I'm uncomfortable with know who they are for sure, and it is their choice.



Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Oh A Few More

Talitha's Shrinking Ass (suggested by Jen Carr)
Watch Me Shrink
The Point of No Return

See my infatuation with the points system? Although, I still Love Mad Cow on the Mend Or Mad Cow Woman... Just cracks me up

It won't let me add those to the poll, so comment if you prefer one of those...

Weight Loss

Ok, so for those of you Weight Watchers gurus, I'm going to start a weight loss blog. Jen G inspired me to do it and I haven't taken the time this weekend, with Jacob's colonoscopy and all that.
I have to be honest. I feel fed up and determined. But I feel no confidence. I look at Jen G, Jen C and Candace with their pcitures and success. Deep down I don't feel like I can do it. I feel discouraged before I even start. But as my hard as# neighbor said, 'That's just another excuse." So, even though I doubt myself, I'm just going to go for it. I've been careful over the weekend but didn't really worry about points with everything going on.

Today I am going full force and I need all the help and encouragement I can get!

So what should I call the blog? I'm going to try to make a poll, just for fun. It's at the top on the right. I jsut came up with them super fast. Give me some suggestions!!!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Change of Events

Ok, so I've decided to embark on one of my other 'things to do before I die'. My intention was to write a book on regaining maternal instincts. I've decided to start it as a blog instead, which will soon include articles and interviews with different moms and eventually a discussion forum for readers.

So, for now you can find me blogging at . I may eventally make this blog private for people who want to read my more personal mussings. So, go check me out :)

Saturday, January 26, 2008

On Comments

I've changed the preferences on my blog to allow anonymous comments again. I love all of the emails and myspace messages I've been getting in response to the blog, so I went ahead and changed it so that unregistered readers can comment. Comments make my day. I love knowing when someone reads me.
I am moderating all comments. If you want to post as anonymous because you're sharing something personal and don't want to be recognised, go for it. If you disagree with something that I write or say (which is entirely likely) I ask that you use your name. This blog is based on my being completely transparent and brutally honest. I'm seriously vulnerable here. Feel free to confront something I say 'face to face' or name to name, but if you hide behind the word 'anonymous' your comment will not be accepted.

So, go tell me what you think of my craziness!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Urine in Contacts = Not A Good Substitute for Saline

Yes, you read that right. Let me start a bit back...

Our sweet Jacob. He breaks my heart with his constant "Mommy, can I cuddle wif you." and "I want you to hold me." He's a sponge for affection and can just never get enough. His favorite thing to do at the moment is ask "Do you know what I love?" and after your obligatory "What?", he throws his warm little arms around you and cries "YOU!!!". And he'll do it over and over, even with someone he's just met. His heart is tender and wonderfully open.
Yet his body is sick, and we don't know why. He often cries at night that his bottom hurts, writhing in pain. Every week or so I will see blood on tissue when I help him wipe after using the toilet. It's terrifying. I've looked over and over, never to find where the blood could be coming from. He's been toilet trained since last spring, so it's certainly not a diaper rash and there is no visible irritation.
We've been at the doctor a good bit. I'm sure she sees paranoid parents often. The first time we redid the celiac testing, since our previous pediatrician botched the test. He neglected to tell us that Jake actually needed gluten in his system for it to be conclusive. So we fed him gluten and retested. Nothing. The next time it was a blood test for food allergies. Nothing. Then he seemed to stop complaining and life got busy with four of our birthdays and Jesus', too. He did well, but now we are back to complaining. It's more frequent and so are the bits of blood.
So last week we returned to the pediatrician and he was doing the writhing and fussing while we were there. He also went to the bathroom and she was able to see firsthand the little bit of blood. At least now it's validated. It's not in my head. Phew... So she did some swabs and we went back again later for some more blood work for I don't know what. Then I got Strep. Ugh.

The Dr ordered a barium enema to see what is going on in his intestines. My poor little guy! It was scheduled for today and, like I said, yesterday he was to have clear liquids only after 1pm. Coop started at 12:45 so I fed him lunch and geared up for the long haul. I let him choose juice and one of those Vitamin Water things. He chose the 'endurance' and hated it but Mommy liked it. May be a good thing. I feel that I could use some endurance right now. So he had his juice and jello for snack at Coop and did so well not wanting the other kids snacks. I heard he found a stray Cheerio and snarfed it down before his teacher could intercept. Such a sweet woman. Luckily the Cheerio caused no harm.
At 4pm I gave him a triple dose of Senecot as directed. For dinner he had 4 bowls of Jello. I can just see him in college (((shudder))). And then before bedtime, I was obligated to administer the dreaded Fleet Enema. Dear Lord this test better be worth it! Well, we did that and I laid on the bathroom floor with him waiting for it to work. I was starting to worry when it finally did it's thing and cleaned him out. Poor guy didn't know what was going on. I explained every step. "We're going to do this to clean out your bottom so the Dr can see what is wrong with it tomorrow." On a hunch I dug up an old Pull Up for him to wear overnight. Under protests of being a big boy already, I finally convinced him that 3 year old can wear Pull Ups on occasion. Thank God for those little hunches we mom's get. The little man woke up devastated because he had an accident in his sleep. I explained to him that the medicine was making his body do what it needed to do to clean out, and it didn't count as an accident. After all that, we had to do another Enema this morning. This test IS important, right? Sigh....
The morning was much harder as the other kids ate and Jacob couldn't. I sat Selah and Lucas down with breakfast and Jacob and I played with trains and his new wooden tool set. I had, of course, chosen to fast with him.
The whole morning I struggled to do anything amid the begging for food and fussing of his bottom hurting, and the jealousy of a little 18 month old who wandered shy he wasn't the one getting all of the attention. I held them both for most of the time and we all watched The Fox and The Hound. It took me awhile to realize that there is actually no 'Fox'. That the hot little girly pup is 'foxy' as in sexy.... thus a Fox. Even back then cartoons were really for parents, weren't they?
Carol was a divine angel, come to save me from the potential of taking all three children to Scottish Rite Children's Hospital. Looking back at my long day, I can see that it would have absolutely bankrupt my energy.
We arrived on time and walked in amid reflections from windows tinted in all shades of the rainbow. Jacob was captivated and took several minutes naming each color before he would agree to approach the registration desk. And that's where I became the hospital mother. Apparently every employee of the hospital believes that I am adopting them, no matter if they are even my senior. Because every where I went it was "Right here, Mom." "Mom, I need you to sign here." "Mom, here's your license back."... "Oh, thank you, Mom." I understand that it makes things easier for them, yet it felt quite odd. I was seriously tempted to respond with a "Yes, son?" to the worst offender but I decided against it. I still wasn't sure which of them was responsible for inserting things into my little boy and I didn't want to risk pissing anyone off.

We were in the room rather quickly, where my little guy refused to wear the medical gown. He was much more comfortable prancing around stark naked in only his socks, thank you. So that's what he did. The initial Xrays went quickly. I had to wear the lead jacket and they had this little square of lead that they laid over his tiny penis. My future grandchildren thank you. I held his hands and his trusty sheep lay right next to him to get his Xrays, too.
Then the Barium went in. He was such a trooper. He lay still just holding my hand and we talked about what we were going to go eat when we left. I told him we would have a date and he could choose. He was torn between scrambled eggs from Awful House of a Quesadilla from Taco Smell. It's not my fault, my husband teaches them these things! By the time they were ready to start the Xrays with the barium, the quesadilla had won out, and my son was fretful and uncomfortable. The radiologist rushed in and at that point I was asked to stand back and just watch. Two nurses flipped his body over into several poses as the radiologist called out... whatever it was he called out. I wasn't listening. All I could here was my little man crying and saying "Dat's enuf! Dat's Enuf! I'm all done." And eventually just crying because they weren't done yet. The last part he was on his back and could look at me so I swallowed my sick feeling and panic to tell him all those reassuring things you're supposed to. You're so brave! It's almost done! I'm so proud of you! Just a minute longer.
Finally done, They wrapped his tiny body in towels and handed him to me telling me to get him on the toilet immediately. The bag of barium that they pushed into his system was huge, and his belly was distended like a little starving boy from Africa. He sat on the toilet screaming that it hurt, so I bent down to rub his back and help him relax. That's when it happened. The poor little guy lost control and peed as all the barium came rushing out. Unfortunately he wasn't prepared to hold things down, so he peed right in my eye, down the left side of my face and in my hair. Luckily my contact started flipping out causing me to focus on not losing it, rather than the urge to hyperventilate and have a panic attack. My sweet son sat there with barium pouring out of him saying " Mommy, I sorry I peed on you!" I had to ask the nurse 5 times to find me some saline solution and if she told me ONE MORE TIME that the urine was sterile... oh never mind.
So after 15 minutes in the bathroom and an unbelievable amount of chalky white liquid coming out of my boy, we were able to go get the last set of xrays and then get dressed. I was impressed that Jacob wasn't traumatized by the whole thing and jumped right up for that last set. Kids truly are amazing.
As we were getting ready to leave the poor nurse brought out a cheep, ugly teddy bear and Jacob would have nothing to do with it. She tried several times to get him to take it, even asking if he could be Sheepy's friend. Not interested. Smart boy, saved mom a trip to Goodwill. It was a sweet gesture, of course. But yeah, no need for more teddys around here. Smart boy deserved TWO quesadillas!
So the whole ordeal was over. We drove through Taco Smell on the way home for his 'treat' of a Quesadilla. He was thrilled that I could roll down his window in the sliding door so he could order it. He's always begging for his window to open. Yet another feature I LOVE about the 2008!
We got home to the other two down for their nap and Carol relaxing with her daughter Zephora. Jacob finished his quesadilla and was off for nap time to. I chose to err on the side of good manners and spend some time with Carol (good decision, I got to know her a bit better.) But let me tell you I could hardly wait to wash my face again and wash my hair!



Thursday, January 24, 2008

Counting Blue Cars...

Yes, I'm going to use song titles for all my car posts. You know you like it!

This morning I woke the the sound of a a stampede down the hallway as Jacob rode his 'horse' in pursuit of a wild mountain lion named Selah. At 6:15am. Lucas was still out, so I took the rare opportunity to get some cutting done before I had to make breakfast. I threw together a batch of Jello to prepare for Jacob's 24 hour clear liquid fast. And of course, I confiscated the horse and the cheetah print sweater... Sleep is crucial when you're 18 months old.
I prepared for my Rethinking Reusables class by rummaging through my trash and recycling bin to find examples of all seven types of plastics . It was pretty simple to find the first 6, but try as I might, I couldn't find NUMBER SEVEN! It's the most toxic, I've heard, and ironically it's used to make those unbreakable water bottles like Nalgene bottles. Brilliant, huh?
I printed up my materials on how landfills work and had them ready to go. I packed snacks, backpacks and a laundry basket full of 'trash' for us to work with during class and off I went to pack it all into my lovely ride. The well in the back of the 2008 Dodge Grand Caravan is huge. I fit everything in there nice and neat without a problem. As I loaded up the back I pushed the buttons for the side doors to open and by the time I was ready to buckle in the munchkins, the whole crew had climbed up and were ready to be restrained. Life can be so simple when the kids are latched down...
Before we headed to co-op we stopped off at our 'spiritual home' to visit at the mom's play group for a bit. I grabbed a cup of coffee and couldn't help sharing the van with some friends and showing them all of the cool features it has!
Kathrine, being 6'2" was just as excited about the button to adjust the height of the floor pedals as I was! Although for opposite reasons, since I'm only 5'4". It works for anyone's height to be comfortable! Do you know how many times I've gotten toe cramps, pressing the far-away pedals on road trips? Ugh..
Eventually I had no choice but to kick Kathrine and Harmony out of the van so that I wouldn't be late for out homeschool Coop. On the way there, enjoying the luxury of pedals I can reach, I decided to give the cruise control a shot. And it was good timing, considering that every time I looked down on the smooth ride up 75, I found that I was already going 80! So, although I was already on the freeway, I decided to go for it as a precautionary measure against a speeding ticket. I glanced down to find that the controls were completely different from my 2006. No worried though, just like everything else they were better. Simple to control without looking at the owner's manual. Once again, not having to stop what I'm doing to dig up instructions is always an extra perk.
I pulled up to Coop right on time and jumped out of the driver's seat as the doors were all doing their job and opening at the touch of a button. I popped open seat belts for little ones and grabbed my laundry basket out of the back. As we all walked away, I pressed the buttons again and all of the doors closed and locked. Ahhh... so simple. I suddenly realized that Dodge and I are in the same business! Finding ways to help moms without surgically attaching a third arm.
Coop went smoothly, although assembly cut my class time in half. We rushed through the seven types of plastics and talked about ways to recycle plastics. I ditched the landfill info to use next week. No worries we had a great class even if it was rushed. I taught all of the kids how to cut their plastic grocery bags and make them into PLARN, which we then braided so that next week we can coil them into bowls. It'll be great.
After class let out for break time I headed to the car with my basket and found a few guys from the upper grades who were most interested in checking out the stadium seating on the van.

Oh yeah. I think this van just gave me "Hey, Miss Talitha is cool!" status.

I headed back to what is called the 'Chit-Chat' room to get to know some of the other homeschool moms. I've always wondered how I would fit in with homeschool moms in general. I'm not the average one. you know. First of all, I was homeschooled my whole life, so I have a completely different outlook on it. Also, I do believe I'm the only one there who enjoys being a driven business woman, and loves tattoos and nose rings. I was worried that they wouldn't know what to do with me at first. Kind of like people who don't know what to do when a mother is sitting there breastfeeding in front of them. They get all fidgety and nervous, not knowing what to say or where to look. But I've realized that the discomfort is typically there when someone is putting forth an image, or a show. Mothers who are breastfeeding in public to make a point put out a vibe of challenge. The vibe is what makes people uncomfortable. I'm happy to say that I'm quite comfortable with my nose ring, and have no intention of giving off a vibe.The fact that I will openly speak of sex with moms who may have never said the word, only spell it is not a challenge. That's where they are at and I respect that. I don't have a mission to challenge them. It's ok. I'm happy to say that I feel like I fit in well, yet stand out all the same. I'm really enjoying my time with the homeschool moms.
Anyway, conversations turned to the van again so a few of us headed out so we could see how adults would feel in the back captains seats. Super comfortable of course, and thrilled that they're heated along with the front ones!

After the second hour of classes let out I wrangled some of my students together for a photo. Quick pop quiz...How many homeschoolers do you see in this van?

And just for kicks, and since I had the chance to not be behind the camera for a with me and a ridiculous amount of sun..

My kiddos got jealous of course, since it is their van, so they took a pic with some friends.

So, after a lovely day I headed home. I need to write about Jacob's testing. I'll get to that for tomorrow. For now let me say that keeping an active 3 year old on liquids only is a hard thing to do. Thank God for Jello.