Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Dear Ms. Anonymous

So, there are 2 comments on my angry post "Stunted Growth" and I've been thinking about them. I thought I'd write out my thought since that's what I like to do.
First thought. I feel anonymous posting is rude and somewhat weak. It's like a drive by shooting. I actually posted an 'accidental' anonymous post on a friend's blog and sent her a message immediately to let her know that it was me. I had thought I was logged in. I hate the feeling of not knowing who this person is. Anyway, that's just my gutt feeling on anonymous. What was posted I am perfectly fine with responding to. There are many good points where I think I was misunderstood. I'm happy to have the opportunity to comment on that.
Second, I want to say that the reason that I chose to blog about it was because I had just had my eyes opened as to how this person had affected me. I felt that blogging was better than the potential of telling someone personally and turning it into gossip. My blog doesn't respond back and ask for more details. It doesn't give me any pity. It doesn't tell me that person sucks and I have the right to be this way. It just lets me get it out so that I can breath again and deal with it later.
So, first post was "Wow, this makes me so sad. So much bitterness is not good for the spirit or soul." Well, yeah it is sad and quite bitter. I realize that. Everyone feels sadness and bitterness and deals with it in different ways that may or may not be good for the soul. I've found my whole life that writing things out in all the passion that I feel is the healthiest way for me to purge. And it's also the best way for me to take a break from it and go back and study my feeling and decide how I need to learn, forgive, etc.... So yes it's not good for the soul, but all souls have it. I chose not to hide my realness, and I've made it public in the off chance that my working through things may help someone else in some way. Trust me, I'm not done with the topic. I know that I've got some work to do with it.
The second comment was quite long and I'm going to break it up a bit:
I find it hard to believe that one person can have so much control over your life. This control is only there because you let it be. She didn't have control over my life. She affected me. I spent years enabling her and now I have to deal with the affect in my own life of that energy that was spent, Just like anyone else who spends so much time with someone who has any disorder. She's sick. I took responsibility in ways that weren't my job because I wanted to help.
No one stopped you from your dreams except you. No one caused you to lose your passion except you. You need to stop giving one person so much control over your life and thoughts, of course except God. I'm sorry, that's a very humanistic statement. Yes, I chose to stop writing. It was an unconscious decision that I made at some point in the past and I discovered it the day that I blogged about it. So obviously the feelings were brought up fresh. The idea that I have the power over myself, my dreams and passions is false to me. Those are given and taken by God. He guides our paths.
"It almost seems like you put this person as a god in your life and let them dictate who you are and what you do." Not hardly. More like a crutch. I was trying to be loving and kind for years and it didn't help her. Like all addicts, tough love would have been the way to go.
I read your other blogs about being a Proverbs 31 woman. Would a 31 woman post this venom about someone else? I would have to answer that with a resounding ABSOLUTELY. I think the proverbs 31 woman was far from perfect and if she discovered bitterness deep in herself she would never be satisfied with just leaving it, throwing some 'Christian-ese' statements at it to make it go away. I think she would pick it apart and examine herself until she was free and Gad ha worked all that he could in it. My view of the the Proverbs 31 woman is quite different from the conventional housewife, helpmate. She was passionate and fearless. She was driven to take on whatever God gave her. Currently, God uncovered this bitterness in my heart and I am working on it as I think she would.

So, give me some time and I'll work this all out as God leads me. I'm not perfect. Just purging to be the best I can. Thanks for you comments. In the future please use your name.

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