Thursday, September 6, 2007

Little House ... in the Ghetto

I'm turning 30 in a few months (gasp!!!) Contrary to everything I've ever heard of women dreading the 30-line, I'm very excited and looking forward to it! I just feel like life is better and so much more peaceful. I'm more excited about enjoying my 30's with my husband and children, than I was about turning 20! I'm on this 'Turning 31' kick, which I know is another year yet, but I'm working on myself . I'm basing it on the idea that I'm turning 31 NEXT year, so I'm focusing on personal growth using Proverbs 31 as a guide. I want to find the woman God wants me to be, in the little things. Those little things are proving very impactful.

So, my first step was being content. I prayed for a feeling of peace and contentment with where I am at. I'm tired of the constant urge to compare myself to others. Here's what happened that week (2 weeks ago)
The House. Three and a half years ago with only one child in tow, Travis and I decided to buy a house that was basically unliveable in Atlanta. We had plans already to do major amounts of work, but they came to a screaching halt 10 months later when I was in a severe car accident, Jacob was born and Travis lost his job. That was in interesting Christmas. So basically for many little reasons since then, Lucas being another, construction has proceeded at a snail's pace, if that.
I get so fed up with this tiny shoebox house that I want to burn it down sometimes. I think that's the only way my husband would leave it, and in the long run he is right. It's not easy having 3 kids in one bedroom, or floors that give you splinters constantly. And walls that have been 1/2 finished for 3years, 2 months and some-odd days... I get so overwhelmed and irritated that I panic over this stupid house. One day I was walking around trying to 'clean the house' which never looks clean to me with the paint splatters on the floor and such, and the verse "He who is faithful with little I will make master over much." It just started going through my head and I started dwelling on that. I figured it was better than wondering if a strategically placed mirror across the street would flash light into a Marta Bus drivers eyes causing them to run into the house. They would have to pay for the repairs, right? I've always felt a little chastised by that verse. Honestly I don't feel like I'm truly 'faithful' in anything other than the 'go forth and multiply. We seem to be doing well on that count. I get angry at my children and I yell too much. Sometimes I realize that I've spanked for something that would have done better with a time out, or I've put someone in time out and not followed through with making them stay. I' m constantly behind on housework, sewing, organizing. Whatever it is, you can be sure I'm behind.Anyway, the faithful part. I went to our one bathroom and was, well, going... and I looked around the room. Travis took a week off in February to redo the bathroom. With all of my hints and begging, I don't think it will be done before next February. I thought, "God! This house is so little!" And then it ran through my head again... "faithful in little".
Something switched in my head, or my heart, or both I guess. Here I've been pressuring Travis to get this room done, and the floors, and the kitchen, and build on. Do I deserve to be 'master' over it? Have I been faithful with this house as it is, being content in what I have? No, I have not. I have moments where I like the house, but I insist on constant change. I haven't just let it be and rested in what God has already blessed us with. I felt humbled immediately.
That was about a month ago, and the last month has been so different. I feel different. I don't care if my kids are on one room. I don't feel so embarrassed when people come by. We have what we have. And we are so incredibly blessed!
Ironically, Travis has just decided to relent and allow for hiring help instead of doing all of our construction and projects himself. Two months ago I would have been in a frenzy and already picking out every detail that I wanted done. I kinda feel like... "Let me know when you're ready and what I need to do. " I don't have to control it anymore, or push to get it done faster. I love my house.

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