It's official. My baby is no longer a baby. I feel so out of my element at the idea of no one else relying on my body for sustenance through either pregnancy or breastfeeding. I mean really. I am just 3 months shy of 6 years straight! My body is mine. What to do with that.
I'd like to find peace with myself. I look in the mirror and see features that are beautiful, but I doubt them. I look at my body and want to hide in shame. I have been told over and over that being a CONFIDENT heavy woman can be just as attractive. You know, I truly believe that, too. Maybe my problem isn't really with the way I look. Where is my shame coming from, then? Not that the image isn't involved but I know that's not all of it. I need to think on that for awhile. Maybe some revelation will come.
For now I’m happy to be embarking on a new phase of motherhood, reveling in the stages of discover and inquiry. I’m constantly amazed at the words that come out of their mouths. Priceless beautiful moments. Treasures for the taking. I would not trade them for the world.
But then sometimes I wonder how much I am trading it. I wonder if I’m stealing from my family. I love my business. I absolutely enjoy creating things, and I’m simply addicted fabric hunting. But is it a GOOD thing for my family? Is it a BAD thing? Sometimes it seems to be both. Am I selfish for wanting to do something? I love creating and designing things. I don’t know what I would do without that as an outlet. At times I doubt myself. I guess I tend to over analyze every thing and this isn’t an exception. I constantly question whether my business is a blessing or a curse. I guess ultimately it is both.
Despite attempts to find a business partner, seamstresses to hire and several other things. I can’t seem to get the business rolling smoothly. That is partially my fault. I do have one contracted seamstress working with me, if I haven’t completely blown it with her. All of the upheaval of the past month has uprooted any headway I’ve made as far as getting my business organized and running smoothly. I feel totally overwhelmed at the thought of pulling it back together.
About Me
- Talitha
- I'm a nerd, really. People just don't catch it at first. I'm a whole bundle of contradictions and unexpectedness that will confuse you. Sometimes a princess, sometimes a warior. I love being who I am I'm an Audio Book. You know, some people are an open book? Well, I open my book and read it right to you. I try to be blaitantly honest, and if I'm hurt by you, if you make me sad, say something funny, silly or noteworthy in any way, well... I write. I love you and I WOULD say it openly to you, in as loving a way as I can. I was homeschooled, one of 10 kids. I'm a mom. My children consume me and keep me on my knees.I love it. They teach me new things every moment. Hy husband, Travis, is my best friend. I can't imagine breathing without him. Sometimes I'm in awe that God found me worthy of a man so incredible. I live in Atlanta, really intown, not the burbs. But to be honest, I dream of a farm with chickens and goats and land to run and play. I’m striving for life to be God-centered. It's alot of work with how selfish I feel lately. I'm so glad He's patient, because I would have given up on me years ago. So here I am, in all my gorey...
1 comment:
I think it is really important for us to find that creative outlet, a way to be "more than just a mom." It helps us to stay sane and keep perspective. God is creator, and, when we create, we are glorifying Him. Of course you have to find the balance and set boundaries and all that, but don't feel bad for doing what God has created you to do.
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